And now for something completely different…

The executive management at Villa Kore apologises to the Cross-Poll bloggers who have crossed the portal on the designated day, looked around the foyer and exited after realising that there was nothing to see here.

This has been my year for technical issues. The computers, and yes, I do mean more than one several, have been on a mission to destroy both my credibility and sanity, and they have called in the assistance of Evil Peripherals and the Software Handmaidens of Ultimate Doom to assist them. Always within 12 hours of critical deadlines.

Today it was the turn of WordPress, paying me back for neglecting it for so much of this year. Locked out. Ignoring the password that they so generously gave to me. Multiple emails failed to deliver me a new password and the charming Ryan of WordPress technical support got my hopes up only to leave me standing in the pouring rain staring at the Log-In Screen of No, We Will Not Recognise That Password for almost the entire afternoon. But no matter. I have finally beaten it into submission prevailed.

So without further ado I would like to invite my assigned guest blogger across the threshold. A paragon of grace and patience in the face of my almost total incompetence today, I am honoured to have her pay me a visit.

Things that are wrong on the interwebs

I have proclaimed before that I am a bit of a grammar and spelling Nazi. This
doesn’t preclude me from having typos and non-capital letters in my comments. I excuse
myself by proclaiming that since I’m often typing one handed,or on a blackberry,
it’s excusable. Each to their own particular prejudices. But the misuse or
misunderstanding of certain words on blogs drives me absolutely potty. Here, for what
it’s worth, is an incomplete list.

Wretch/Retch: If you are vomiting you are retching. If you are a very naughty boy
you might be a wretch. It’s not the same thing.

Diffuse/Defuse: You may want to defuse the situation. Diffusing it will be harder
and will involve lots of complicated chemistry.

Elicit/Illicit: You may want to elicit a response to your post. Talking on your
phone while driving is an illicit activity. Unlikely the second word will show up in the
ALI blog community

Vice/Vise: You might choose to describe your vices. We could put you in a vise to
stop you from indulging in them

Accept/Except: You can accept your fate. Except that most of us don’t, and
rage against it on a regular basis. Part of the fabric of this community, in fact.

Farther/Further: Your friends may have moved farther away, you may be choosing to
further your study of African literature.

Moot/Mute: A point is moot. It is also mute, since points, in general, can’t
speak. But you meant the former.

And then there are the phrases people get wrong:
Jerry/Jury-rigged means something has been cobbled together

To all intents and purposes not, “to all intensive purposes”

Flesh out the details, not “flush out the details.” It’s about getting into the nitty gritty, not about an investigative journalism activity.

There are plenty more but of course they’ve slipped my mind right now.

Feel free to add.

So there you have it. Can you guess?  And, for those of you who are well aware of my own grammar, spelling and punctuation pedantry high standards, it is not me trying to play a trick on you. Give me your best guess in the comments. it shouldn’t be hard, we are probably the last two bloggers in the Cross Pollination to deliver, so to speak. You can find out who it is by going here.

3083:Bundoora/4:43:20 [Waiting for treatment]

On the recommendation of a friend I took myself off to an Osteopathic Training Clinic at a nearby University for some further treatment on my reluctant-to-heal feet. Once you are prepared for a long wait as the student Osteopath takes your history, discusses it with the clinical supervisor, decides on a course of treatment, discusses that with the clinical supervisor, returns to discuss it with you and administers the treatment,  it is a very satisfactory experience. And, as I have recently mentioned, waiting is not my strong suit. I had a book in my bag and there were plenty of trashy magazines for flicking through. The view outside the window looked liked it would make an interesting photo but the glass was so streaked with dirt and rain streaks that I quickly gave up. But, the handful of drawing pins in the corner of the empty noticeboard caught my eye, and so I amused myself with my camera until I had to return to the reality of having sharp fingers poked into parts of my feet and leg that hideously hurt. But, like the old joke, it feels so good when they stop.

141. Hangs on a wall

3093: Lower Plenty/5:18:32 [Sprung]

Even my own overworked brain is telling me that daffodils and spring are such a cliche and that I should push myself a little harder to find a less overdone symbol of the new season. But nothing says spring more to me than these persistantly bright blooms bobbing in the wind. I refuse to buy the forced varieties that are for sale as early as May, before winter has even got properly underway. As a homage to the fact that another winter has passed and that warmer days are ahead, I bought some bright polyanthus plants and a few pots of herbs and got them into the garden bed outside our kitchen. I’m not a gardener by any stretch of the imagination but the warmth has returned to the sun and it seemed right not to waste it.

300. Spring

3000:Melbourne/2:31:10pm [Stationary Train]

The timetables for our local train line have changed recently and in the interests of so-called better service it now takes longer as we have to negotiate the City Loop before arriving at Flinders Street Station. And since we were running a couple of minutes late today that meant a further delay just before reaching our destination as we waited for a platform to come free. This has not been an easy book to read. The writing is lyrical and powerful but the story, a memoir, is tragic and confronting. But I was glad to have it with me to stave off the impatience that plagues me whenever I have to wait more than thirty seconds for something.

252. Reading material

3093:Eltham/5:48:07pm [The Distracted One...]

9. Advertisement

3093: Lower Plenty/1:38:01am [What I clearly needed]

Well, I only needed to be told once.

282. Sign, sign, everywhere a sign

96815:Fort DeRussy/11:45:49am [Lest we Forget]

Although it was clearly Friday morning in Hawaii, Anzac Day had already begun in Australia. As we approached the Army Museum opposite Fort DeRussy Park we were concious that the Dawn Service at Melbourne’s Shrine of Remembrance was about to begin. So it seemed appropriate to pay a visit to another memorial that details the military contributions made by Hawaii and it’s citizens to the defence of their nation. We spent a rewarding couple of hours learning about early Hawaiian warfare, the island’s introduction to western weapons and strategy and their involvement in the World Wars, Korea,Vietnam and beyond.

The staff were knowledgeable and friendly, the exhibits extensive and well maintained. As we made our way back out into the sunshine we passed this gate and the contrast of light entering the darkness seemed very appropriate to our mood. The traditional words of The Ode were not far from our minds.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

~ Laurence Binyon, 1914~

191. Museums

3777:Badger Creek/4:09:35pm [Sophie's choice]

This is Sophie. She is a red necked wallaby. We happened to be there when the keeper arrived to dress some scratch wounds on either side of her belly caused by…ahem.. the overly intense and amorous attentions of a male wallaby. The keeper brought some sweet corn and apple pieces to distract Sophie while she applied the ointment. It seems to be working well.

291. Snack

3093:Lower Plenty/11:24:50pm [The passage of time]

It was the ancient Egyptians who first divided the day into 24 hour increments. The night had twelve hours which were determined by the position of the stars and the hour before and after sunset were considered the two hours of twilight. The remaining ten daylight hours were measured using shadow clocks – the forerunner of the sundial. The Egyptians were not alone however, as rudimentary measurers of time were being used by the Chinese, Greeks, Baylonians and those ubiquitous, finger-in-every-pie, Romans. Shadow clocks were doomed to a short life as the limitations of not being able to tell the time at night were obvious. This 18th century example of a pendulum clock, developed thanks to an observant Galileo being distracted by a swinging chandelier in church, these days casts a shadow only because of the presence of the overhead lights.

279. Shadows

AWOL

Have seventy five excuses and thirty-three mea culpas for my mysterious disappearance, but really, all of them are trivial and pathetic and I am not going to bore anyone who might still be checking in on this blog with the detailed triviality and pathos as I am certain I would feel the spectral disturbance of that many eyeballs rolling skyward in unison. Suffice it to say that I was apprehended quite smartly over the weekend and asked so very nicely to return to barracks and start marching that even my not-so-guilty conscience raised the white flag and surrendered without complaint.

I am not making any wild claims or promises but simply state that I will try to return to regular posting while slowly adding older ones at random. So…two for the price of one…what more can you ask for?